Winter has passed. Spring, summer, and fall have come and gone. A year has passed and the flowers are now blooming. It’s been a while, huh? It’s nice to see you again. I’m sorry I haven’t stopped by lately.
I sat here for a good hour trying to think of what to say. Like with most of my other writing projects, my mind came up blank. Writing has been a struggle since Lucky died. I lost my motivation to write. I attempted to write on a few occasions, but the words never came. I’m still not sure what to say as I type this, but I want to get back to doing the things I enjoy and get back on track. I have to start somewhere, so I’m starting with this blog. I plan to keep this short, though.
I miss Lucky every single day and sometimes I still cry. She’ll always have a piece of my heart. A couple of weeks after Lucky’s passing, we brought home a new kitty, an adorable 6-month-old, which I named Raven Avalon Pookie. Raven will never replace Lucky, but she fills a void. I struggle with stress and anxiety, but she calms me down. Raven is the reason for countless smiles and giggles and we share the same bond Lucky and I had. I’m really the only person in the family Raven likes. It took her 4-6 months just to let my family pet her. She’s been hissing at them ever since she had a bath and flea medicine put on her, but I’m the one who gave her the bath, shouldn’t she be hissing at me? She’s a momma’s girl and I love her dearly.
I was able to bring my desk back in my room so I had a designated writing space. Of course, I had to clean my room and get rid of some things, but it was worth it even though I haven’t used it much. I bought some wall art I call my ‘window view’ so it looks like I have a desk with a view. I chose a city view to inspire me and remind me of all the people out in the world with their unique stories. Everyone has a story to tell.
If there’s one takeaway from the last year, it’s that I met a lot of new and interesting people. Some were only in my life for a season—for example, the men I dated (master manipulator and the irresponsible drinker). Then there are others I know will be in my life for a long time such as my best friend (more on that later).
As my stomach begins to growl and I crave a Smores pop-tart, I’ll end this blog post with this: 2018 is going to be a big year; it’s going to be my year. It has to be the year I face my fears/anxieties and get on my feet. There will be a lot of changes and firsts. We’re only three months in and it’s already been an exciting year. I’m also going to kick writing’s butt when I’m not busy with everything else I’ll have going on! I’m scared what the near future will bring, but I look forward to all the things i’ll accomplish and the new experiences.
I hope everyone’s year is going well!
I promise to post more,
“You can’t stop the future
You can’t rewind the past
The only way to learn the secret
…is to press play.” ― Jay Asher
I never would have thought a month after writing a letter to Cappie I would have to write a letter to you. I meant to write sooner, but I needed time. I probably shouldn’t be writing this when I’m emotional. There will likely be a lot of errors, but I don’t care. I finally have the energy to write this.
I thought we had more time together. You still had your sight. You still could hear. You still jumped six-foot fences. You ate a mile a minute. I had to constantly remind you to slow down before you choked or vomited. One day you’re chowing down, and the next day you weren’t.
The last weeks of your life were hard. If I’m being honest, I wanted to stay as far away from you as I could. It was too hard for me to see you go through all that, but I couldn’t stay away. I wanted to spend as much time with you while I still had the chance, and someone had to take care of you. You only ate your regular food when it was in my hand, and I had to tell you it was okay to eat. When you missed the bathroom sink and ran out, you came back after I went in and you let me lift you up there. Thank you for letting me take care of you. Thank you for trusting me.
I’m sorry you couldn’t go outside. It broke my heart every time I heard you meow, but I wasn’t about to let you disappear to die somewhere. I probably wouldn’t have been able to find your body, and I wasn’t about to let your story end like that.
Whenever I cried, you forced yourself to eat or drink. I know you wanted to get better for me, and I know you were scared. I was scared, too. I tried to stay strong for you. I didn’t do a good job, though, I know. I don’t think you wanted to die (if you even knew what death was), and I didn’t want to lose you. You’ve been with me for most of my life; I’ve never had to live without you. You meant the world to me. You were more than my pet. You were my fur baby, my emotional support, and a best friend. 2016 has been the shittiest year of my life, and I wouldn’t have made it through if it weren’t for you. You brought so much joy into my life. Of course, the one thing that made me happy would be taken away from me. That’s 2016, huh?
I feel empty. Part of me died when you did. I don’t have much motivation these days. I keep thinking what’s the point when my girl is dead?! I looked at your ashes. I have a hard time accepting that you went from a furry animal to a few ashes in a small box. I almost regret having you cremated. Mom and Dean may not always live in this house. I didn’t want to bury you and not always be able to visit your grave.
I don’t want you to worry about me, though. I know you hated it when I was upset, so I’m trying to be okay for you. I have to keep reminding myself of the positives. You’re not in pain anymore, and I got the chance to say goodbye. I got to spend a lot of time with you before you left. You lived a long, healthy cat life. If Alex hadn’t brought you home from Corky’s, who knows what would have happened to you. You were a homeless kitten in need of a home. It’s why your name is Lucky. Not every cat is as lucky as you were.
We’re getting another cat any day now. They wanted it to be a surprise, but I already knew. I heard them talk about it. Then Dean showed me the picture of her. She’s an all black cat. I wish I didn’t need a new cat. If I had only one wish, I’d wish for fifty more years with you. I’d wish pets could live as long as humans. I hope you’re okay with me getting another cat. No cat will ever be able to replace you, and I don’t want to replace you. You’re one of a kind! I’m not sure why, but I almost feel I’m betraying you by getting a new cat. I want you to know I’m getting another cat because I loved you so much, and I need an animal. I need the emotional support, a furry best friend, and I need a fur baby to take care of.
There may be a new cat coming in the picture, but that doesn’t mean I’ll forget about you. You’ll always be in my mind and heart. I’ll always cherish our memories, and I have a few hundred pictures of us. I’m so glad I took a lot of pictures these past few years. I only wish I had some from when you were younger.
I love how you used to lick us in our ears as a kitten.
I love how you always rushed to my aid when I cried. Remember that one time you kept petting me on the head when I was crying? I burst into laughter. I thought I was the one who had to pet you?
I love how you followed me around the house. When we had that crack in the bathroom door and you weren’t already in with me, you’d sit on the other side and watch me. Some might think that’s creepy. Or you would scratch on the door as if it were life or death.
I love that you watched my first meteor shower with me.
I love that you hated my singing.
I love the times you would force yourself between me and my laptop because you wanted to cuddle. Or the times you kept jumping on the desk. You were a major writing distraction, but a good distraction.
I’ll always remember the times you made me get up in the morning to sit with you at the kitchen table so you could rub your head against me. All you wanted was to give loves before heading out for the day, and all I wanted was to go back to sleep. I regret not sitting at the table with you more. I was always so tired and mad at you for constantly making me get up in the morning. I’d probably get up an average of five times in one morning just for you to jump back on the kitchen table. I miss those days.
Remember the times you left rats for us? I know you only wanted to provide for us. Thank you.
I love that phase you went through when you only came inside when I called you. Everyone would call for you, but you’d just sit on the front porch. I’d then call for you, and you would come right inside. I loved those days.
You know what my favorite memory of us is? The day you spent all day cuddling with me. It was a few months ago, and all you wanted to do that Saturday was be curled up next to me. I kept waiting for you to get up and start your day outside, but it never happened. I didn’t mind, though. Wishing you were an indoor only kitty, I loved that you wanted to spend all day inside. Eventually, we got up to eat and use the bathroom, and I thought for sure you’d finally go outside. Nope, you followed me right back to the room and curled up next to me again. The same thing happened the second time I got up. I had planned on getting some editing done that day, but I guess it really was Caturday.
The other night, as I was dozing off, I thought I saw you. You meowed. I tried to meow, but nothing came out. I meowed louder then I fell asleep. I occasionally hear faint meow sounds, but I’m sure it’s just my mind playing tricks on me. I don’t know if God and Heaven are real, but I’m going to think they are. I have to believe you’re in Heaven, and I’ll see you again someday.
I hope you and all of our other furry animals had a good Christmas in Heaven. I wish you could have been here for one last Christmas. I got some picture frames that I’m going to fill with my favorite pictures of us.
I read that tortie cats tend to like and stick to only one person. I’m honored to have been the chosen one. I know you love me, and I know you heard me say this a thousand times in the last month, but I’m going to say it again. I love you more than anything and everything! I always have, and I always will. No matter how far apart we are, you’ll always be my girl. You were the perfect first cat! Well, minus the fact you always had fleas and worms. Thanks for leaving some of each behind for me (sarcasm). Despite that, I love you. All I want is you curled up next to me in your spot. Your spot is empty without you. This house is empty without you. I miss you so much! I would do anything to bring you back, but I know there’s nothing I can do. Until we’re reunited, you’ll live in my heart. Also, every novel I write will have a tortoiseshell cat named after you.
I love you more than you will ever know.
It’s been three years. It’s been three years since you died. I remember the day so vividly. I had stayed up all night just so I had more time with you. I couldn’t care less how heavy my eyes felt or how many times I yawned, I didn’t want to waste a single second. I talked to you for hours and we watched Scooby-Doo on Netflix, remember? We took a ton of pictures before we left. I didn’t have enough pictures with you. I still don’t. Time was suddenly slipping through my fingers, and I still had a lifetime of memories I wanted to share with you.
After pictures, we got in the truck. I should have ridden in the back with you, but the canopy was off, and it was raining. I didn’t want to be in the rain, and I didn’t want other drivers to see me bawl my eyes out. I was selfish, and I’m sorry. It could have been another ten minutes we had together.
I hope you understand why we did it. Watching you die was the hardest thing I ever had to endure. I sobbed on the way there and on the way home. I cried so much I didn’t even hear my phone when my friend called me. He wanted to make sure I was okay, but I wasn’t okay. Sometimes I’m still not okay. Sometimes I still cry. Life sucks without my best friend. They say time heals our wounds, but I don’t believe that to be true. I think we learn to just live with the pain. I know I still feel pain after all these years, but I’m used to it now.
I don’t want to dwell on the bad times, though. I know you wouldn’t want me to be sad. I’m one of the lucky ones. I was lucky enough to have a special dog like you. People go their entire lives without ever owning a dog, and I truly feel sorry for them. We shared a special bond and not everyone is fortunate enough to experience what we had.
Do you recall my surgery in 7th grade? I’ll never forget how excited you were to have me home after being gone for almost two weeks. As soon as the front door opened, you bolted for my lap. There wasn’t enough space on my lap while I waited to be helped out of the car, but you managed to leap up anyway. You covered my face with doggy kisses.
Remember the time we went for a walk and somehow you got away with my wheelchair? With your leash tied to the chair, You took off down the street, swinging your head side to side as though you were walking on a runway. I fell in the middle of the road, laughing uncontrollably. My friend chased after you. What was going through your head? It was the first time you didn’t stay by my side while out for a walk. You always stayed by my side even when we were home.
There were times I pretended to cry, and you did everything you could to cheer me up.
Remember the game we always played? You had to save me from the “blanket monster.” You whined every time you couldn’t save me.
I remember when I met you. You came to our apartment for us to meet you and Atlas. You stayed the night, and they put you in my room to sleep with me. All you did was whine. You didn’t want to be left alone with me. Funny how things change, huh?
I have only a handful of memories of you. I wish I could tell you I remember everything, but I’d be lying. I feel like my memories of you are slowly fading into oblivion, and there’s nothing I can do about it. I may not remember all the times we shared, but I will never forget you.
Thank you for everything you’ve done for me. Even though you’re no longer here, you’re still doing stuff for me. Thank you for all the loves and laughs. Thank you for following me around the house, and catching me every time I stumbled, especially in the bathroom. I’ll never forget how you helped me out of the tub or how you let me use you as a walker. You didn’t have to do those things. You weren’t a registered service dog, but you were my best friend who was looking out for me. Thank you for being the best dog in the world! Forget man’s best friend, it’s woman’s best friend.
Three years have gone by, and it’s still fresh in my mind. Where did the time go? I wish I could see you again. I wish we could have traveled the world. We got another dog, but Lucy doesn’t compare to you. I wish you could meet our newest family member, Logan. You would love him. Liam still asks about you. I tell him you’re in doggy heaven. I have to believe there is a heaven and you are there. I have to believe I’ll see you again someday. I hope you’re with Atlas, and I hope you two are chewing on tasty bones right now. I hope your tail is wagging, and your tongue is sticking out. Tell Atlas hi for me and that I love him. I love you, too. I love you more than life. I miss you every single day.
Your best friend,
P.S. I haven’t forgotten my promise to you.
It’s pouring rain outside, my Facebook feed is flooded with people in their costumes, and I see pumpkins everywhere. NaNoWriMo must be here!
NaNoWriMo 2015 was my first year participating in the event. I still can’t believe I wrote a novel in a month. Well, I’m pleased to announce I’ll be participating in NaNoWriMo this year, too! However, I will not be writing a new story. I’d much rather write a new story, but this year I’ve decided to focus on editing my first novel, Lucky Star. For NaNoWriMo, I’m going to continue working on the major edits, which basically means I’m rewriting the entire story. *sigh*
I want to wish everyone doing NaNoWriMo good luck, and I hope y’all reach that 50,000-word mark!
“This is how you do it: you sit down at the keyboard and you put one word after another until its done. It’s that easy, and that hard.” – Neil Gaiman
“Get it down. Take chances. It may be bad, but it’s the only way you can do anything really good.” – William Faulkner
Happy Halloween and happy writing!
I bet you didn’t expect to see me back so soon. I intended to take a break from writing, but life had other plans for me.
A couple of days after I posted my last blog, I got offered a new writing opportunity with My Trending Stories. I’m all for building my writing resume and author platform; I had to say yes. I’ll be writing articles about whatever I want whenever I want. I have yet to write my first article, but I’m working on it.
A few days later I got an email from Writer’s Digest letting me know of their awesome sale. The Writer’s Market books were 75% off. It was such a good deal, I got three of them and all for under $30. Not bad, huh?
I had to buy the new edition of Guide To Literary Agents to help with my novel writing and agent search. I have the 2015 edition; I’m thinking about starting a collection.
I had to have Writer’s Market 2016. It’s packed with information on all things writing from articles, freelance, blogging and more. Plus, it has hundreds of listings for magazines and trade journals.
I know what I need to do to get my novels published, but I’m completely clueless how to go about getting song lyrics out in the world. With that said, I got Songwriter’s Market, too. I don’t know if my songwriting is any good, but it can’t hurt to try someday. No, I do not sing. If my cat runs away when I sing, you will too.
I sure have a lot of note taking to do!
As you can see, I like to do different kinds of writing, but my novels always come first.
Between the new writing opportunity and my new books, I feel as if the universe is telling me I should be writing. I feel motivated. I said I needed to take a break from writing to focus on myself, but writing is a part of me. It’s exactly what I need to be doing.
I’m going to start editing Lucky Star within the week. Hopefully, I’ll have it polished by the new year and ready to send off to an editor, then I can begin sending out query letters to agents. Have I mentioned editing is my least favorite part? Well, it is. I know it’s worth it, though.
I’ve been active on Twitter recently. Among other things, I’ll begin posting updates on the progress I’m making on my novel, so follow along if you’d like and have an account. I usually follow back.
These upcoming months are going to be busy: editing, writing, reading, more editing, and can’t forget it’s almost football season. I’m stoked!
Until next time!
I hope everyone is having a good year so far!
It’s a new year and I have two manuscripts. As a Christmas present, my brother is going to pay for a copy editor to edit my manuscript when I’m finished editing it. Before I learned of the copy editor, I wasn’t too focused on one story. I was merely trying to get a few manuscripts written. I’d rather have a few unpolished manuscripts than one semi-edited manuscript that I had to wait to publish for financial reasons. I don’t have to wait anymore, though!
The only problem is, which manuscript do I focus on? Lucky Star? Wheeling the Streets?
I’ve spent the last month debating the pros and cons of each. For a while, I was leaning toward Wheeling the Streets, but then my mind wandered to Lucky Star. I was going back and forth. In the end, I decided to focus on Lucky Star. I mean I started writing this book in the 8th grade and spent over five years on it. It’s my baby and it deserves to finally see the light. Plus, Lucky Star is a more appropriate book to publish as a first-time author. I feel as though Wheeling the Streets is more for an experienced writer. The story talks about some major issues—suicide, addiction, murder, domestic violence, gang violence and homelessness. I feel as though I’m not an experienced enough writer to be writing about all of those issues in one book.
While Wheeling the Streets has strong characters, Lucky Star does not. Most of the characters sound the same, so that is the one thing I’ll really be focusing on besides basic edits. I haven’t visited the story in a while, so I’m excited to reread it.
My goal for the year is to have it edited and sent off to the editor of my choice before the new year. I wasn’t sure where to look for an editor and I mentioned something about it on Twitter and already I have a few offers. Twitter is amazing!
Along with editing Luck Star, I’m thinking about the next story I want to write. I know I should just focus on editing my manuscript, but I have so many different story ideas and I just want to write them all, now! I can’t help it! Editing one book isn’t enough, I have to start writing my next book, too. Junior year of high school, I had this history class with one of my favorite teachers, Mr. Raben. The class inspired a story…
But first things first… Lucky Star has first priority.
I need to go to Barnes and Noble to buy a new Nook charger. My Nook only works when it is plugged in and my current charger doesn’t work. My edit checklist for Lucky Star is all on my Nook. I probably should have kept it in a journal instead of an app, lesson learned!
Then all I have to do is edit, hire an editor, edit it some more until it is polished and query agents. Editing will take time, but I’m now within reach of the finish line!
“I hate writing, I love having written.” ― Dorothy Parker.
I did it! I’m a winner of NaNoWriMo! I actually wrote my book in a month. After taking over five years to write my first novel, it seemed nearly impossible to write my next in only thirty days. It was, at times, an agonizing journey, but I persevered and got her done, though. More importantly, I now have better writing habits after this experience. It’s not as difficult for me to sit down and write 2,000 words a day like it was before November. I’d struggle just to sit at the computer and begin writing; It would take forever to get in the writing zone. Now I don’t have a problem with it. Well, most days I don’t have a problem. Also, writing 2,000 words a day took me on average eight hours when writing Lucky Star, but now I can get 2,000 words done in two or three hours.
Overall, NaNoWriMo 2015 was a good experience for me.
I have A LOT of editing to do. My story is too short to be a full-length novel, so I’ll be adding a few more scenes. I used way too many unnecessary words that I’ll have to go back and cut out. I feel most of the story was me telling it rather than showing—I was eager to finish writing the first draft—so I’ll have to rewrite most of the story. I’ve stepped away from the book and I’ll come back and visit it again after New Years with fresh eyes.
Congrats to all of the other NaNoWriMo winners! Cheers!
“I don’t remember deciding to become a writer. You decide to become a dentist or a postman. For me, writing is like being gay. You finally admit that this is who you are, you come out and hope that no one runs away.” –Mark Haddon.
I recently stumbled upon an article about published authors and when they knew they wanted to be writers. Twenty authors explained how they developed their love for writing or how they got in the writing business.
I started thinking about when I knew I wanted to be a writer; however, I couldn’t think of an exact moment that I thought I wanted to suddenly be a writer. I never had a light bulb go off. I never got up one morning and thought, “hey, I’m going to write a book!”
I’ve been a writer my entire life. I’ve always felt compelled to write. My earliest memory of me as a writer was in kindergarten. We did student of the month and each month we had to write a couple sentences about what we liked about the student and draw them a picture. All of our pieces was then made into a book with a picture of the student on the cover. I was horrible at the drawing part—still am—but the writing part was easy for me, though. Also, fun. There was this boy who couldn’t write basic words like the rest of the class. Our teacher had to write his sentences for him. Because I’ve always liked to help people and the writing was easy for me, I remember offering to help him. I’m not sure how successful I was, though.
It’s as if it’s in my DNA. I wrote stories all the time and a majority of them are stashed away in my closet. Not too long ago, I looked through some of them. I read one from the 2nd grade about a lost cat. I remember writing it.
I knew I wanted to write, but I wasn’t always certain about what. In elementary school, I started a few novels, but never finished them (they’re in my closet too). My heart just wasn’t in the stories. I had no idea what kind of writer I wanted to be. Then in 6th grade, I read my first Nicholas Sparks book, The Guardian. I bawled like a baby; I had no idea a book could cause someone to feel so much. It was a defining moment in my life. It was then I knew who I wanted to be as a writer; I wanted to tell stories that tugged at the heartstrings the way The Guardian tugged at mine. The Guardian influenced me as a writer and will forever be my favorite book. I’m still waiting for it to make it to the big screen… *cough* *cough* That same year, I had my first heartbreak when I learned I would never get the chance to be an FBI agent, which had been my dream for as long as I can remember. After that, my writing was more important than ever.
A little over a year later, I began writing a new novel. It took many years, but I finished writing Lucky Star on my 20th birthday. I owe it to Nicholas Sparks and The Guardian.
So far, nothing in my life has gone as expected or as I wanted it to. The only thing that seems to be going right in my life is my writing, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing considering it is my dream job. I mean not only am I on my second novel, but I’m being presented with other writing opportunities like writing articles for a news blog and a creative series on a website.
I’m currently working on a few different projects. 1. Wheeling the Streets. 2. Preparing for a new writing gig. 3. Applying for a writing fellowship. 4. Writing an essay for a disability magazine. Also, I’m taking some online classes, teaching myself sign language and working on a couple of secret projects I can’t mention. You might be wondering about my first novel… It’s slowly being edited. I’m going to finish writing Wheeling the Streets then sit down and really edit both books. Then query agents.
I’ve made some changes to my blog. I want to turn it into more of a writer’s site/blog instead of just a blog. I want to get serious about other kinds of writing, not just my books (my books are my main focus). I want to write more articles and maybe do some freelance. I’ll be adding some things in the upcoming weeks.
I’m looking into a possible graphic design career. I spend hours making different graphics. I recently made temporary covers for my writing projects…
A cover for Lucky Star, my first novel.
A cover for Wheeling the Streets, my second novel.
If anyone needs any graphics done I’ll do it for free. I could use the experience.
In the upcoming years, I plan on getting my degree online and major in social work, psychology, graphic design or writing. I plan on paying for college mostly on my own. It’s a good thing I’m good at saving money and getting a degree online is cheaper. By the time I finish, I should have my tiny house or, at least, be in the process of buying/building it. Hopefully, in the upcoming years, I’ll have a literary agent and my first two books published. By that time, I should be working on my third novel, Wheeling the Halls, the second book in The Wheeling Series. Whether I have an agent or not, I will publish my books.
My ultimate goal: write, travel and help people while saving thousands of dollars each year thanks to my tiny house. It’s the dream!
I try not to make too many plans because life rarely turns out how we plan it to. I’ll forever be a writer. I know my future as a writer will not change. It’s my past, present, and future.